He looks to a young boy and asks, “What is your condition?”  The young boy responds, “I was born a servant.”  Balian looks at the men surrounding him, surveying their strength and says, “Every man in arms, or capable of bearing them, kneel!”

            Be without fear in the face of your enemies                                                                                                                           Be brave and upright that God may love thee                                                                                                                         Speak the truth even if it leads to your death                                                                                                                         Safeguard the helpless.  That is your oath…now rise a knight.

The men now stand as knights.  The look in their eyes is different.  It’s stronger.  They are no longer servants, or merchants, or slaves; but are knights. A religious leader cynically asks, “Does making one a knight make a man a better fighter?”  Balian turns and ardently replies, “Yes…”  These men stand with a new strength because Balian gave them a new identity, or a new name.  Fighting from this place in the heart made all the difference, and their strength saved the people of Jerusalem.

This scene from Kingdom of Heaven proves to be an important reminder.  There are those of us that are born into wealthy families, while others of us are born into poor families.  Some of us have had a comfortable life, while others have had to work hard.  The fact is that everyone of us is as varied as each man.  Though when born in this world, we are all born as slaves to the world.  But a ransom for us has been paid with a highest of cost, a life.  Yet that is precisely what Christ gives us, life.   We have been given a new name…a new identity…a new heart.  We now have freedom from this world, freedom from our old self, freedom to live life abundantly in Him.  Living out of a free heart makes all the difference.

Listen to what God says to us,  "I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people… …And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me" (2 Corinthians 6:16,18 NASB).

How many of us no longer know our own name?  Our name connects us to a sense of identity.  In other words, how many of us have forgotten who we are in Christ?  Forgotten the joy, the life, the freedom that He offers?  I think all of us at times will go after the adventure, not because God calls us there, but because that is where we gain a sense of identity.  Or, we rush into the battle, not because there is a battle that God wants us to fight, but because we want to become the hero.  Or, we seek after the beauty, not due to the strength that we have to offer to her, but because of what we think she can offer us.  Motivation gives us an honest reflection of our hearts that is if we are honest with ourselves.  This takes courage. 

 It is so easy to be captivated by the lies of our Enemy.  He knows our stories so well, plays into our wounds so perfectly.  At times, believing in his lies feels incredible, and we may even feel justified in doing so.  This enchantment, or spell lulls us into a state of further resignation, and then we settle for living in the smaller story. 

There are indicators, however, that God uses to wake us up.  Most times, it doesn’t feel good to be woken up from our small stories.  It’s harsh at times.  Though once awoken to a larger story, our roles become more clear.  Or maybe, what God is calling us to do in His story becomes much more clear. 

When on the journey for further freedom, opposition will come against you.  Not if, but when.  Be ready for it – not through a sense of obligation or duty though, but deal with it out of a free heart, out of who you are in Christ.  Continue the journey towards greater freedom in Christ.  Never forget that we are now His, for He ransomed us to God.  We have been purchased.  The Enemy has been defeated, but not destroyed.  Our Enemy strives against us so fiercely that we may forget our name, that we might forget what Christ did for us, that we might forget our freedom.  Remember the words of Jesus, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10: 10).

A favorite quote is mine comes from the movie Kingdom of Heaven, when its main character Balian says, “What is a man who does not make the world better.”  I venture to say that all of our favorite characters in various movies or stories make a difference in their worlds to make it a better place.  These characters are always laboring to do the right thing, fighting the good fight, taking on insurmountable evil, and making difficult choices contrary to their opposition.  When I think of characters like Balian from Kingdom of Heaven, Aragon from Lord of the Rings, Maximus from Gladiator, or William Wallace from Braveheart, I am reminded of what is possible and that good does triumph over evil.

Characters such as these do not just become who they are overnight.  They are in training for years to become the keen warriors that they are.  For example, Aragon spent years in the wilderness before ever meeting the hobbits.  The back story for the Rangers, of which Aragon was their leader, was that they took on the responsibility of keeping the Shire safe from the enemy.  Unbeknown to the hobbits, these men watched over the boarders killing anything attempting to disrupt the peace of the Shire.  This went on for years.  All good men are tempered for a time to become the strong men that they are.  I wish I could tell you this time is easy, but it’s not.  This aspect of the masculine journey is difficult…as it should be.

Before Jesus started His ministry here on earth, He went through a similar experience.  He spent 40 days fasting in the wilderness, and at the end of that time, He encountered the enemy.  Jesus was tempted three times when He was the weakest physically.  Just like in the garden ages ago, the serpent came to Him twisting God’s word.  Jesus saw him for what he is and resisted.  Three years later, Christ defeated the enemy while ransoming us back to the Kingdom of God.  He freed us from the bondage of sin, He rescued us from the grip of the enemy, He gave us a new life of freedom. 

All of us, regardless of age, are on the masculine journey.  It is a journey where you let the Lord father you, and He will father you if you ask.  It is the only way to be tempered to be the man you want to be, the person you have dreamed of, or the person whom you respect most in your life.  You were created to offer your strength to others.  It is a common thread that runs through all men.  You are strong, that’s not the issue.  The issue is how you use it.  Throughout history men either used it for good or evil.  They used it to free or to suppress.  They have used it to offer love, or withdraw it.  How have you used your strength?  How are you going to use your strength?  During the day, think of the wake that you have left.  What does that look like?  Ask the Lord how He wants you to change and walk with Him through that.  Remember, “what is a man who does not make the world better.”

I found myself living a life of duty and obligation.  I did some good things in the name of duty, but not out of a heart full of life.  Then the unexpected happened.  I was called into an adventure – one that I had no interest in.  In fact, I outright refused at first. I smugly told God “no”.  Just as a toddler obstinately stands in opposition to a well-knowing parent, I stood and looked just as ridiculous.  I thought I knew better.   I had just graduated from seminary.  I had the world by the tail, and not even God was going to disrupt my life.  “Where do you want me to minister, Lord?” I would often ask, yet received no clear answer.  I wondered why.  He patiently let my heart warm to the idea of my intended adventure that I had refused.  The task He had set before me was not a light one.  “Anything but this God” I often prayed as I looked down the road.  The journey God had for me was far more difficult, far more personal, and took far more courage.  I was at a crossroads, a necessary crossroads; one that I see now was life changing.  Gulp…

The Lord showed me that my integrity as His ambassador lay on the line.  I pursued you, didn’t I?  Silence.  I knew He had.  God was calling me to revisit my past, a past that had been haunting me for years.  He was calling me to the unknown and asking me to trust Him.  I stood, looking at the two roads that were set before me.  One seemed so much more pleasant.  I weighed my options…stalling.  I knew in my heart which way I needed to choose.  I could no longer ignore my past.  I could not run from what the Lord had asked me to do.  I took a deep breath and set off on the road less traveled. 

The wind blew hard that morning. It’s the kind of wind you can feel through the window. Big fluffy flakes fell all day.  Everywhere I looked, banks of fresh white glistening snow.  The sky was filled with ominous clouds delivering their clear resolve.  It suddenly hit me – it’s blustery, dangerous, even wild, yet beautiful.  A sense of awe stirred my heart.  God is powerful.  This scene pointed to something bigger than itself.  It reflected the beauty of God.  As a boy, I did not think in these categories, or even use this language, but the Lord taught me something vital that morning.  My heart awakened to beauty.  I did not understand the significance of this until years later, but the Lord had gotten my attention.  That storm resulted in an entire week off of school and much unplanned adventure.

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"

Should perish if I did not have from thee;

I let the wrong go, withered up and dry,

Cursed with divine forgetfulness in me,

‘Tis but self pity, pleasant, mean, and sly,

Low whispering bids the paltry memory live:--

What am I brother for, but to forgive!

 George MacDonald, The Diary of an Old Soul, June 26

The yoke of the past is heavy.  A burden has lifted off of me.  A burden that I have carried all of my adult life, really, though I have only become aware of it in the past two years.  It is a burden that has subtly, yet keenly defined who I am.  I could not run away from it or even ignore it.  I was bound to my past, chained to it.  I had lived with it for so long that it appeared normal.  The same resignation surfaced.  I had always done okay for myself.  The fear of what I could uncover kept me in that place.  I had to turn and face it, engage in the battle even though desire to do so was elusive.  Like navigating uncharted waters of the deep sea, I had been unwilling to go there because of the mystery, the danger, fear of the unknown.  Fear is powerful.  It hinders.  It lingers in the dark places of mind and heart.  Like a thorn in my flesh, I had plodded on continually reminded of its presence.  Every decision I had made was colored by it.  I ventured into the storm.

Forgiveness is life changing.  Once you forgive, you are no longer defined by your past, and the power of its haunting is continually diminished.  Experiencing the resulting freedom is like taking a much-needed breath of fresh air.  The realization of what you have missed in life begins to dawn.  Why have I settled all these years?  Why have I lived a stagnant life of resignation? 

How many times have I heard a sermon or lecture about our union with Christ?  Intellectually I understood the concept and importance, yet my heart did not resonate with the notion.  In seminary, I learned…a lot.  This journey is teaching me even more.  The Lord is taking me on a journey of the heart.  These first steps were an initiation of sorts.  I feel that the core of my soul has been strengthened.  I walk differently now.  The Lord took me to those feared places, and He brought healing.  He spoke into the wounds of my past.  Don’t we all have places deep in the recesses of our hearts that we keep locked, even from the Lord?  He wants to go there with us, yet we often say no.  He stands at the door and knocks, yet we refuse to budge.  How foolish we all are for not relinquishing control of our small lives to the Creator of it all?

When navigating the uncharted waters of the deep, there are many moments of the unexpected.  Good and bad.  In the bad moments, I found out something about myself that historically I had refused to believe.  I discovered that I have what it takes.  I have what it takes to deal with the unexpected.  I have the strength to prevail, and I gain that strength from Christ.  This surprised me.  Maybe I postponed this journey for so many years because I doubted who I am in Christ.  Instead of believing His promises, I chose to believe in a lie.

In the good moments, I found delight when I least expected it.  There are gifts that would have gone unnoticed. Similar to a ray of sunlight on a dreary day, God reveals himself in unique and personal ways.  There is good in the world, despite what we may think.  It is a good worth fighting for, a good that we all hope for.  It tastes so good.  Speaks so deeply.  This good is what we were created to enjoy.  It is why it resonates with our hearts.  God is good, and He wants the best for us.    

‘Tis but a vision, Lord; I do not mean

That thus I am, or have one moment been—

‘Tis bit a picture hung upon my wall,

To measure dull contentment therewithal,

And know behind the human how I fall;--

A vision true, of what one day shall be,

When thou hast had thy very will with me.

 George MacDonald, The Diary of an Old Soul, June 30

At the end of the movie Australia, the grandfather of a small boy beckons him to come on a walkabout with him.  As the boy sheds his clothes from a “civilized” world and runs toward him, the grandfather says, “You have been on a journey, now we are heading home…to our country.”  They then walk out into the wilderness together.  In a sense, the grandfather represents a God-type character.  I imagine a similar picture with the Lord at the end of my days.  Despite this innate longing of my heart, I find myself here, in the prologue, and home seems so far away.  I connect with Aragon from Lord of the Rings that asked about his path that proves ever elusive to him.   In a moment of doubt, he laments, “My path is hidden from me.”  Arwen responds, “It is already laid before your feet.”

This is my first entry.  I desire to share my heart while journeying with the Lord.   Home is where I’m bound.  My heart longs for those days, but not yet.  There is much work to do, beauty to enjoy, battles to fight, sorrows to endure, intimacy to experience, hardships to face…