Crossroads

I always wanted to go on an adventure.  I would dream about leading a force of men into battle or conquering the evil emperor or rescuing the prettiest girl in the neighborhood from some unthinkable danger, despite her ignorance of my existence in real life.  A perilous journey, fighting for justice, saving the day; these were the adventures I longed for as a kid.  As an adult, I often deemed them…a hassle.  Not what I envisioned as a kid.  Frankly, I became disturbed by what I saw.  When had I become this way?  When had I stopped seeing the unexpected as exciting, and start seeing it as unsettling?  When had I started shying away from the call of exploration, and do so in the name of maturity?  “I am too old for that silliness now,” I would often think.  As I gradually slipped into resignation, I found the passions of my heart slowly diminishing.  Just as a candle slowly extinguishes, I was becoming a shell of a man. 

I found myself living a life of duty and obligation.  I did some good things in the name of duty, but not out of a heart full of life.  Then the unexpected happened.  I was called into an adventure – one that I had no interest in.  In fact, I outright refused at first. I smugly told God “no”.  Just as a toddler obstinately stands in opposition to a well-knowing parent, I stood and looked just as ridiculous.  I thought I knew better.   I had just graduated from seminary.  I had the world by the tail, and not even God was going to disrupt my life.  “Where do you want me to minister, Lord?” I would often ask, yet received no clear answer.  I wondered why.  He patiently let my heart warm to the idea of my intended adventure that I had refused.  The task He had set before me was not a light one.  “Anything but this God” I often prayed as I looked down the road.  The journey God had for me was far more difficult, far more personal, and took far more courage.  I was at a crossroads, a necessary crossroads; one that I see now was life changing.  Gulp…

The Lord showed me that my integrity as His ambassador lay on the line.  I pursued you, didn’t I?  Silence.  I knew He had.  God was calling me to revisit my past, a past that had been haunting me for years.  He was calling me to the unknown and asking me to trust Him.  I stood, looking at the two roads that were set before me.  One seemed so much more pleasant.  I weighed my options…stalling.  I knew in my heart which way I needed to choose.  I could no longer ignore my past.  I could not run from what the Lord had asked me to do.  I took a deep breath and set off on the road less traveled.